


Panic Station

by doofnpuss



Series: Black Wedding [2]
Category: Phineas and Ferb
Genre: M/M, human!AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-01
Updated: 2018-09-01
Packaged: 2019-07-05 06:46:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,075
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15858375
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/doofnpuss/pseuds/doofnpuss
Summary: Heinz is experiencing evil scientist's block. Maybe Perry can help?





	Panic Station

“Curse you Perry Greyson!”

It was usually the only line Heinz could process right after being defeated by his nemesis, again. Then came the usual realization that the apartment was a mess and he had to spend the rest of the day cleaning it all up. It’d be nice if the man would actually stay and help, for once. But no, Perry Greyson was as mysterious and completely irritating as when Heinz had first met him, almost five years ago now.

But as the doctor pulled out the broom and dustpan and began sweeping up all the shards of broken glass off his floor, he couldn’t stay mad. This was just their routine. Heinz would create an inator, Perry would break into his apartment, get trapped, Heinz would reveal his scheme, they’d battle, and Perry would defeat him, running off soon after without a second glance. It was their life. Their daily to-do list. And frankly, it was the only thing keeping Heinz going these days. 

That infectious spark of evil inspiration was waning thin. Heinz desperately sought a new direction for his goal as ruler of the Tri-State Area; a unique direction, an unsuspecting angle. But his ideas were all pitiful at best. Sure, maybe he could create amazing machines, but they had to do more than just function. They had to be terrifying. 

A week flew by. Heinz wouldn’t have noticed, if he didn't have parental responsibilities to pick up his daughter from school this week. He hadn’t built a new inator yet, and the lack of production was starting to make him depressed. 

That’s why he was shocked when there was a familiar knock at the door. 

Heinz peeked through the eyehole to see Agent Perry himself, leaning against the doorframe with his arms crossed, looking _very_ keyed off.

The doctor opened the door. “Hi, Perry. What are you doing here? There is absolutely _no reason_ why Monogram would have.. Oh, okay, come on in then, why don’t you.”

The agent had waltzed right past him, settled on the living room couch, and glared at Heinz with a pointed expression. 

“What are you mad for? I told you, there was no reason for you to come.”

“What do you mean ‘no reason’?” Perry snapped. “You’ve been inactive for a week. Very unlike you.”

Heinz rubbed the back of his head. “I guess you have a point. It’s not anything sinister. Though to be honest, I wish it were. I’ve had a.. lack of inspiration, if you will. Every scheme I’ve come up with this week has been awful. I just need a few more days to, you know, work it out..”

It felt strange standing there, wearing nothing but a black t-shirt and jeans, talking to his nemesis so casually. Even if said nemesis was still staring at him as if he’d just eaten the last pizza slice. Regardless, Heinz watched Perry mull over this newest information, clearly debating on the best course of action. Heinz felt the need to continue rambling, but blatantly held his tongue. Why did Perry have to be so silent all the time?

Finally, the agent let out a small sigh. “Perhaps I could.. help you?”

The doctor raised an eyebrow. He hadn’t expected that response. 

“Really? You’d help me? How?”

“I don’t know. I’m sure I’ll find something on the internet.”

“Well. Okay. What could it hurt, I guess?”

With that, Perry stood abruptly and settled in front of Heinz’s computer, hacking right past his protected password with ease. Heinz watched him search uneasily, still wondering when Perry was going to stand up and punch him. 

“You’re going to need paint, a canvas, a yoga mat, and a sandwich.”

“What’s the sandwich for?” Heinz asked.

“I’m hungry.”

Once all the items had been collected, the agent munched on a sandwich while Heinz began painting, trying to ignite some of his creativity. Honestly, the first few ideas were awful, causing Heinz to blush in embarrassment and accidentally trip over his own feet. He told himself it was just the evil scientist’s block, and definitely _not_ because Perry was drilling holes in the back of his head. The yoga training didn’t do much either, though Heinz was almost envious of the clear flexibility his nemesis possessed as they pulled their way through a series of stretches. Still, he felt some of his nerves disperse and the tension in his neck start to unravel as they continued stretching. 

Finally, Heinz let out an abrupt shout. He’d just struck an idea. An amazing idea. 

Perry smirked, clearly pleased with the inator Heinz had just painted. The scientist had to admit, it definitely looked intimidating. He rushed into the work room to grab his tools and a whole bunch of spare parts and started working.

“Ha! Behold, Perry, my latest, and most evil inator yet! I can’t wait to fire this baby up and see what she does! And the best part is, there’s no self-destruct button. How do you like that, Mr. _Snob_ -son!”

Heinz briefly wondered if he should trap the agent, just for safety’s sake. But in hindsight, it wouldn’t be long before Perry inevitably escaped. So with a shrug of his shoulders, Heinz hit the power button. 

Surprisingly, the agent didn’t move. He stood there, arms crossed as always, observing the results just as Heinz was, only with a blank expression while Heinz was shaking his fists in anticipation. The inator vibrated, shooting sparks out of its metal panels, before blasting a green-colored beam out into space. The laser exploded in the sky, sending the words _Heinz Doofenshmirtz_ above the entire Tri-State Area in green smoke. 

“Ha! Now _everyone_ knows my name!” The doctor cried triumphantly. “How do you like _loosing,_ Perry the agent?”

But Perry had already grabbed a handful of wires from the machine, and was giving Heinz the most mischievous grin. 

“You’re going to destroy it now, aren’t you?”

With a single nod, the agent pulled the wires, and the inator exploded right in front of them. Thankfully, there weren’t tiny shards decorating his entire apartment to be cleaned up later. With a salute, Perry jumped off the balcony and activated his parachute, fully disappearing from view.

Heinz sighed. There was still a mess to clean up. It had still been a normal day. But Heinz realized, a little sheepishly, that he had liked this day a little bit better than most other ones. 


End file.
